2021 Dec 20 Letting Go of Old Loves and Lovers

What is unconditional love? How does it differ from the selfish kind of love? And why is it so important to pay attention to the lovers we welcome into our life? Let’s talk about love and relationships. Let’s come together in a special ceremony to clear and release the imprints of past lovers that still linger within us.

Shedding light on love and cleaning up our relationships is so important. Ancient medicine men and women teach us to be careful of who our lovers are, because they leave an imprint on us that we carry with us the rest of our lives. Often, we try to heal ourselves through others – to heal ourselves through our lovers – but in these kinds of relationships, what starts out as a dream, soon becomes a nightmare. And even when we leave these old lovers behind, in pain or not, we continue to carry them with us. Why? Because the love we had for them wasn’t the love felt for a beloved, but rather a selfish kind of love.

The habit of searching for your “true” soul mate is so deeply ingrained that even after we are married, we continue scanning the horizon in case that person should suddenly appear. And if they do appear, and you recognize each other, then you will risk everything, including your marriage and family, to join them in a journey into a nightmarish realm.

This person is often someone you tortured in a former lifetime and you are irresistibly attracted to them because of the need to repair, heal, and mend these misadventures. This is not unusual. The problem is that instead of healing an ancient wound, often we end up reinjuring each other.

When you are sure that you have met your dream lover, your soul mate, and every cell in your body is quivering with excitement, run away as fast as you can. Unless, of course, you are ready to sign up for another lesson in the school of emotional storms.

There are many people in our lives besides soul mates—partners and ex-partners, families, co-workers, friends, and not friends. We need to give up the dream of perfect, unconditional love with all of them—parents on forward. We never got the best parents, only the right parents for us. We never got the best spouse, only the right spouse. The sooner we recognize this the faster we will be able to move on to more interesting engagements with the world.

We don’t want to be carrying any of them with us forever so we must recapture the energy we left bound to others.  This creates a trauma bond with these persons and even though the universe brought them to teach us a lesson, we still blame them or ourselves for the endings.  By reclaiming this energy we reclaim our power so we can become whole.

Remember saying “You are the one I’ve been waiting for?” Then, watching as this love turns into a nightmare. Let’s shed all the hopes and dreams and fantasies so that we don’t have to work this out with them again in the next lifetime.



Use a candle or a virtual candle as shamans use the path of fire for instant illumination and transformation.

You don’t have to go lover by lover or relationship by relationship, but you can do it for the most important ones if you like.  Invite to your fire all those who helped you to grow through the path of love and the stories and people you embraced.

Blow all of them into a stick, or death arrow, and burn it in the fire.

Then, using your hands, bring a little bit of the smoke from your fire back into your heart chakra, with the intention of taking back your power.  This is about freedom and transformation.

You can also cleanse any of your chakras with the smoke from your fire or with palo santo.  Imagine bringing back all the love you hoped to claim through another.  Allow it to guide you through all your tests and trials so you can bring truth and light into this world and help humanity go through this great transition.

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